


Best of Intentions

by missditsydarcy



Series: "Bun in the Oven" Verse OneShots [1]
Category: Free!
Genre: M/M, Mpreg, idk if this will be a series or not lol
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-31
Updated: 2019-03-31
Packaged: 2019-12-27 03:45:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,400
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18296180
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/missditsydarcy/pseuds/missditsydarcy
Summary: Calculations, ovulation, conception, all words spinning in Rei’s head, but what if the business of starting a family isn’t something that can be calculated?Guess they’ll figure it out eventually. :P





	Best of Intentions

The assailing nostalgia, alone, should be enough to inspire Rei's tears ducts as he sits down to pour himself over his desk calendar for what feels like the millionth time. Words like ovulation, conception, and implantation are swimming around in his brain almost in slow motion as he eyes the writings on said calendar; and he chuckles to himself as he playfully fist bumps the current day on said calendar, silently wishing that today would be the day.

"Rei-chan?? Where are you??? Ahh!"

Rei doesn't look back until he feels the warm embrace of his husband engulf him from behind, sighing at the sensation of Nagisa's lips on the back of his neck and firmly squeezing the hands that link together over his chest. The blond hums as he looks over the calendar, letting out an exasperated sigh, undoubtedly throwing his head back in frustration. "Again?? Rei-chan, I know you're probably enjoying this, but having a schedule is kind of a _mood_ -killer for me..."

Rei looks down at the calendar and bites his lip, not wanting to let on about how he completely agrees with Nagisa because he knows that it'll all be over if he does.

"It shouldn't be long now," Rei says next, patting Nagisa's hand as he tries to convince himself that he's really saying it for his husband's benefit rather than his own. "Let's just keep trying, okay??"

Nagisa is oddly quiet for a few beats, sighing and giving Rei a quick squeeze as he considers everything. Then, Rei feels Nagisa's lips on the back of his head, hearing the fruit of his thoughts after the fact. "Okay, Rei-chan. Let's keep trying!"

Rei lets out a breathy chuckle, looking back so they can connect their lips before Rei stands and scoops Nagisa into his arms to carry him into the bedroom, Nagisa readily setting the mood as they go on their way by connecting their lips again and again until they both hit the bedroom and carry on their way with timid hands, and the best of intentions.

After all, they were young enough that starting a family should come naturally, right?  


* * *

 

Nagisa's hands are shaking as he walks back to join Rei in the bedroom with their destiny in his hands. The air seems to still, like it was rooting for them while the stick inherently decides whether or not their dreams can come true this time around.

"Mako-chan told me that he read that stressing out about getting pregnant can make it so that it doesn't happen," Nagisa recites, trying his best to stay light hearted while his fingers tighten around the pregnancy test. "So I'm not stressed out, are you, Rei-chan?"

Nagisa is pointedly not watching the test, and Rei swallows the lump in his throat as he considers if he's going to carry on with his husband's lie, or if he would be brutally honest—but instead of answering Rei finds himself lazily tracing comforting circles on Nagisa's tight back, taking deep but uncertain breaths as he tracks the time until they're able to look at the results.

Of course, choosing the silent road of a coping mechanism comes with its own set of struggles; Rei's mind is flitting at an increasing speed about all the steps they've taken to ensure success. They've tried different positions in bed, Nagisa—or, Rei, more or less—has been watching his diet, and dutifully been tracking Nagisa’s ovulation patterns for the last six months. Nagisa even took hormone shots for a month before they realized the extent of emotional and physical damage that he was bestowed upon when taking them, and they’ve had no such luck since then.

Rei tries his best to not compare them to their friends who not only quickly conceived, but gave birth to twin girls who, although weren't the healthiest at birth, were thriving and doing wonderfully to this day. It's just hard on some days, especially today when Rei went to the store to pick up another box of pregnancy tests, handing it off to Nagisa once they were once again in the safety of their own home so they could recognize the hopeful fruit of their efforts.

"Where did he hear that?" Rei says all of the sudden, not moving his gaze from the timer that was counting down and seemingly taking years off of the life of its beholders.  He doesn’t necessarily mean to sound harsh, but he’s not exactly in a hurry to right his wrong in the moment. "What would he know anyway?"

"He read it in a pregnancy book," Nagisa says next, reaching a hand over to give his husband's a squeeze. "Mako-chan offered to let me read it, but I told him Rei-chan had it covered."

Rei feels a gasp arise in his throat, and he looks over at Nagisa with wide and undeserving ivory eyes. He squeezes Nagisa's hand that's still holding onto his, back, as he leans over to connect their lips—suddenly being assaulted with guilt as he considers Nagisa’s words, struggling with the notion that he doesn’t feel as though as he has anything covered, let alone _everything_. Still, he clears his throat as he tries to find words to convey those feelings without causing any more stress to the situation.

"I don't actually," Rei offers weakly, staring sadly down at the floor in front of him as he feels Nagisa lean against him, tucking his head in the crook of his neck. "I thought I did, but—"

"Hey, Rei-chan," Nagisa gasps suddenly, and Rei just barely feels his husband’s hand shaking his forearm as Rei’s forced to reenter the situation. "The timers up!"

It's Rei's turn to gasp, blinking disbelievingly at the timer which blinks a cruel, but clear line of zero's that lets the pair know that the time for talking's over; time for interpretation and ultimate acceptance is nigh.

"I don't want to look, Rei-chan, do it for me," Nagisa chirps, hiding his face behind Rei's back as he makes a vain attempt at passing the test over, blindly. Rei clutches the stick tightly as he wishes that he could say the same, but all at the same time wanting to be strong for his husband.

"N-Nagisa-kun, before I look," Rei stammers, biting his lip as he tries to keep his hands from shaking in case the action could cause a false reading, pointedly looking in the opposite direction more for the fact that he almost can’t bear to look at all in spite of what’s coming out of his mouth. "Remember that these tests can give a false reading."

"I'm not going back to the doctor's again, Rei-chan," Nagisa says, voice muffled against his husband’s back as he gives him another squeeze. "It hurts too much to hear it from them, and it's embarrassing..."

"Alright," Rei answers, squeezing the outside of Nagisa's hand on his chest, like it's going to give him the confidence and willpower to look down. He takes a deep breath, and then squeezes his eyes shut before looking down at the test, a sob almost immediately assaulting his form as he pointedly tosses the test on the floor so he can bury his face in his hands. "I...I'm sorry, Nagisa-kun, I thought this time, for sure..."

"Rei-chan," Nagisa gasps, and then whimpers as he wraps his arms around Rei and squeezes him as his smaller form is wracked with the sobs of disappointment that send shooting pains down Rei's spine and into his soul as they sit, embracing each other.

"It's my fault," Rei says, after a couple minutes where the only sound was the soft sobs coming from next to him, as his own cheeks continue to be flooded with his own wet and unforgiving aftermath. "There's something wrong with me..."

"Rei-chan, no," Nagisa murmurs, shaking his head against Rei's side as he continues to sink from sorrow. "It's my fault. I'm the one who keeps not doing what I'm supposed to do, okay?? I—don't know what I'm doing wrong...but it's all my fault!"

"Nagisa-kun," Rei says softly, turning so he can cup his husband's cheeks as Nagsia's sobs escalate. "Hey, we—I think we should stop trying for a while. Maybe...it's just the wrong time—"

"But I wanna give you a baby," Nagisa hiccups as he gazes upon Rei, closing his eyes as Rei peppers his face with comforting and undoubtedly salty kisses as his tears continue to fall. "We can't just...give up—"

"You said it yourself, M-Makoto-senpai said it too, we can't stress about it. Look at yourself, look at _me_!!" Rei chuckles awkwardly and rubs his thumbs in circles to try and disintegrate Nagisa's tears on his cheeks, kissing his forehead once more. "We wouldn't be fit parents in this situation, maybe that's the problem..."

"But then...will we ever get a baby???"

Rei smiles, pulling Nagisa into a calming embrace. "Of course we will. Just not like this."

Nagisa giggles. "Look at you!! Admitting that we can't do this logically—"

"I wouldn't get used to it, Nagisa-kun..."

"I love you, Rei-chan," Nagisa sighs, relaxing against his love, wrapping his arms lazily around Rei's waist. "You and your silly theories..."

"Maybe if I just perfect the calculations—"

"Rei-chaaan," Nagisa whines, a smile splaying on his lips as he giggles fervently.

"What?" Rei asks in faux confusion, connecting their lips and squeezing Nagisa's hands for emphasis. "I love you too, Nagisa-kun."

Nagisa hums pleasurably as he connects their lips again, raising his hands to grab patches of Rei's hair as he deepens the kiss, legs moving in their own accord as they wrap around his husband's waist and he begins trailing his lips down Rei's neck, to his chest until the aforementioned shudders at the contact. "What are you—"

" _Let's **not** make a baby, Rei-chan..._"

"But we just," Rei sputters, being momentarily silenced by Nagisa's lips on his before he forces them apart long enough to administer his admittedly flustered brand of protest. "I thought we—"

"You said so yourself," Nagisa half purrs as he uses a gentle hand to push Rei back on the mattress, moving to straddle him while he unbuttons Rei's shirt so he can outline his chest muscles with a teasing finger as he goes in for a long kiss once more. "If we're not stressed about it it's bound to happen eventually..."

Rei opens his mouth to object, but only because he's aware that he doesn't want to, but there isn't a sound that comes out, regardless. Nagisa outlines Rei's jaw with a teasing hand, moving to place his lips on it as his fingers flit over Rei's belt buckle, and Rei shudders again, his staggering breath puffing into Nagisa's mouth as he continues his rounds, his tongue beckoning for its invitation.

"Are you with me?" Nagisa whispers, smoothing back Rei's hair as Rei begins to follow in suit of the catalytic kiss train.

"Am I ever," Rei mumbles as he gently caresses the sides of Nagisa's face to pull him closer and complete the remaining advances before anyone tries to hold out again.   


* * *

 

It had been a month since Rei and Nagisa decided to stop trying to have a baby, and life seemed so much more pleasant for the couple. Their moments of intimacy were now spontaneous, as they should be, and they weren't stressed about whether or not Nagisa's body was preparing for inhabitance.

Sure, there were still times when they would be a smidge hopeful, like when Nagisa would want to take a nap or was a little too interested in supper—but it wasn't always first and foremost on their minds, and they were enjoying their life far more than they had in the months prior.

No longer did Rei wake up in the morning, look over at his husband and wonder what was going on in there…or what he could do to ensure that there was something in there to begin with.

In fact, there were even moments when Rei had wondered what they were thinking in trying to become pregnant. Rei wasn’t even close to being at the top of his corporate ladder, who would be the one to bring home the bacon? Especially when Nagisa is on maternity leave, or what if he would decide to become a stay-at-home-dad after meeting their little bundle of joy? There’s also the fact that their house was a tad too small to bring an infant into. No, no, they were much too unprepared to bring a life into this world.

So, in essence that’s become Rei’s newest mission. He’s been working hard at getting a promotion, and pleasing his husband was also high on his list, so between work and home life, Rei really didn’t have time to worry about those silly little words that had once ruled his life in their desperate attempts to achieve their goal.

It's a crisp and admittedly humid August evening when Rei waltzes into their kitchen, swooping over to give Nagisa a kiss before wrapping his arms around the other man’s waist, peppering kisses on Nagisa’s neck and breathing in his beloved’s scent after a long work day. There was a very distinct smell in the air, and before Rei has a chance to say anything provocative, his nose reigns over his mouth, a question about the oven’s contents rules over his tongue no matter how his past actions might relay a different sort of wish.

“Since when did you learn how to make…bread?” he asks, pulling away and then opening the oven just so he may gaze in on the contents. Truth be told, Rei had little idea that his husband even knew how to use the oven, let alone make anything useful and smelling so… _pleasant_ as this.

Nagisa giggles, clapping his hands together over his chest as he waits for Rei to face him once more. He’s bouncing ever-so-slightly on his toes, excitement obviously brewing over the edge as he waits for Rei to catch onto his play on words, but all at the same time not wanting to give it away with just how he’s reacting to such a mundane food.

“Since Mako-chan brought over a recipe,” he recites easily, hands on his hips as he looks proudly over at the recipe on the table like he’s beckoning Rei to go take a peek. He even jerks his head over in the direction of the paper, his chuckles dying down as his silly husband seems to not catch onto such an obvious hint.

So Nagisa goes over and picks up the paper himself, tittering at four simple words that were highlighted among the many other inconsequential ones. Then he presents it to Rei proudly, beaming behind it as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world.

“I see,” Rei muses, knuckle covering his chin thoughtfully as he peruses over the list of ingredients with careful eyes. “Very nice, applesauce as a butter substitute?? It should be very interesting, Nagisa-kun—we can prepare it nicely with—”

“Yeah, but, what else, Rei-chan?? There’s a lot of special things about this…bun…” Nagisa giggles a little, turning the face of the paper back towards him as he bites his lip in anticipation, looking back at his husband as his mouth drops, seeing that Rei still doesn’t seem to get it. “It’s a slow cooking bun, it takes a long time to bake…”

“Hmm…I suppose that we won’t be enjoying this for dinner, then. How long does it say that it takes?” Nagisa shoots wide eyes over at his husband, now would have been the perfect time to just blurt it out, to say ‘nine months’ and maybe Rei-chan would finally understand. Well…maybe he could give him just a _little_ hint.

“Nine hours,” Nagisa says, wiggling his eyebrows a little as he glances at Rei from over the paper he’s holding in front of his mouth, hoping that his tone of voice doesn’t give away his excitement. Geez, he thought that Rei would figure it out right away, since he’s so smart and all. “It’s a really good bread, I…waited a long time for it.”

It's silent for a couple of minutes, and those minutes feel like hours to Nagisa as his fingers absently stroke over his abdomen, just barely a moment of hopelessness when he thinks that maybe Rei doesn’t understand because he doesn’t _want_ to…

No, that can’t be right, he thinks, biting his lip and then covering his eyes as he feels disappointed tears prick the surface. Nagisa doesn’t say a word before he runs out of the room and darts straight for their bedroom, burying his face in his pillow as he cries into it.

_Pregnancy hormones_ , he thinks, maybe this will finally be the thing that gets through to Rei-chan. Even though it’s a little embarrassing that it took crying to get there.

Rei shows up seconds later, his face puzzled and concerned as he looks upon his devastated husband, crying into his pillow on their bed. “N-Nagisa-kun,” Rei just barely whispers, gently sitting himself on the side of the bed, hand brushing over his beloved’s back and rubbing comforting circles into it as he tries to figure out what he’s supposed to be saying. “What am I missing, here? I didn’t mean to upset you…it—the bread looks beautiful…”

“Mako-chan said you would get it,” Nagisa sputters rather accusingly, though as he says this he’s sitting up and wrapping his arms around his husband, crying into his shoulder though he’s not sure at all this point why he’s still crying. “I even highlighted right words the words, but you didn’t get it…”

“What didn’t I get? Nagisa-kun you’re being so…secretive…”

“There’s a _bun in the oven_ …” Nagisa says quietly, sitting back as he wraps his arms around his middle—just barely mustering up the courage to look his Rei in the eyes. “I have a bun…in the oven, Rei-chan…”

“Y-yes I can see…!!” Rei’s eyes widen, and he freezes right there all except for his eyes which dart right to the area in question. “Are you serious?”

“Rei-chan,” Nagisa blubbers, starting to cry all over again as he wraps his arms around his husband, grabbing handfuls of Rei’s shirt, pulling up section after section as he struggles to cope with his current emotions. “We’re going to have a baby, and we didn’t try it or anything…”

Rei can barely believe what he’s hearing but suddenly a huge smile spreads on his face, and emotion collects in his eyes as he tries to grasp the implications of the words that just came out of Nagisa’s mouth.

All the calculating, everything that they had tried and all the emotional turmoil that they went through just to get to this moment, all melting away as he lets the sound of the words permeate in his brain over and over again as he tries to force himself to believe it.

The two hold each other for a couple of more minutes, Nagisa finally sniffling and pulling out of the embrace as he chuckles a bit awkwardly, moving to sit cross-legged for only a moment before his face lights up and he crawls out of bed.

“Where are you going?” Rei asks tearfully, pulling his glasses off of his face and wiping the residual moister from his lens’ with his shirt before placing them back over his eyes. “You’re all over the place today…”

“Let’s go,” Nagisa beckons, gesturing his hands in the direction of their kitchen. “I’m hungry, and that buns only supposed to bake for ten minutes… And, I’m eating for _two_ now, Rei-chan.”

Rei chuckles, following in his husband’s footsteps, watching him intently with awe as he goes about doing what he usually does—being who he is and doing something so wonderful for him that he couldn’t even imagine how he’s going to repay him, his gaze shooting words of thankfulness into the eyes of the other man as their irises meet in a moment of clarity as Nagisa’s making sure that he’s being followed on the way back to where their conversation started.

“Yeah,” Rei breathes, his chest feeling lighter as the spring in his step would suggest as they round the corner to their kitchen. “Let’s go feed our baby, Nagisa-kun…”

**Author's Note:**

> feel free to follow me on tumblr!: https://l1nkp1t.tumblr.com/


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